


Reality

by TigerxFox



Series: Eruri Collection [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 08:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20239447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigerxFox/pseuds/TigerxFox
Summary: Levi doesn't believe in saying words. He believes in actions and harsh reality smashing your face against the ground.





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone knows the way out of Eruri hell please let me know

Levi doesn't believe in saying words. He believes in actions and harsh reality smashing your face against the ground. The truth is, reality is the only thing that has never failed him. Never failed to disappoint him that is, not a single time. And, for someone whose life began seeing his own mother prostitute herself and die, it's really incredible, for he already had very low expectations to begin with.

Words are precious, they have a lot of power. He never tells Farlan and Isabel he likes them, he needs them, he enjoys their company. Because he knows by saying it he will make it true and because someday reality will take it away from him.

He scrubs his hands until his skin is wrinkled and his palm is hurt. A habit he would keep after all missions that would follow this first one. But tonight it doesn't seem enough. So he sneaks into the kitchen and washes the dishes everyone ignored in favor of taking a bath and forgeting this disastrous expedition. He washes them angrily, his expression unfriendlier than usual, which is saying something about someone who has a permanent frown all the time. Nowadays, it's like he's numb, seeing horrible things on such daily basis. But reality, let's reiterate, never fails to disappoint.

Some people think titans are to blame. That if they win the war everything will be rainbows and puppies. Levi thinks it's bullshit. Because reality used to kick him in the nuts long before he even knew what the fuck a titan was. But still, he sometimes in secrecy, in the middle of the night, lets himself believe a little. Because no, "peace" won't solve all humanities problems, but at least those young men will stop dying horrible deaths outside the walls, he won't have to scrub his hands so hard anymore. At least people will be able to leave the underground, there will be land enough for everyone and they will be able to see the sky. And the sea. Although he's not sure he really believes in its existence yet. But he knows he would really like to see Gunther, Petra, Eld and Oluo's faces if they encountered something like that.

Then his whole squad dies and all he can think of is their faces when they were laughing and drinking last night, and reality couldn't be shittier today. In the bath, he burns his body with hot water and it doesn't even hurt anymore, he thinks.

"I love you" He lets the words escape in a whisper when he kneels on the hard ground. When he knows it would be the last time Erwin could hear them and therefore thought of it as harmless.

He has second thoughts as soon as the words leave his mouth. Not because he doubts Erwin, he never did and he never will, not even in his somewhat vulnerable state right now. It's because he knows saying it will ruin everything. And it does. When he thinks he managed to keep his promise he fails. He knows it's because of those stupid words. He knows it's because he spend one millisecond thinking about the possibility of saving him. The words left his mouth, and because of that they will never leave his mind nor his heart.


End file.
